This is a cautionary tale, dears. The tale of the “Birth Tourist.” Please don’t invite any to your birth, unless you want them there, and please, please, don’t be one yourself!
So, what is a birth tourist?
That is anyone at your birth who is there to watch the show. Anyone who is not there to support you and enhance your experience, but for their own gratification.
Unfortunately, birth tourists often come in the form of medical professionals in training or their instructors. As a birthing woman, remember, you always have the right to say that you do not want to have students in the room. This is an extremely personal experience for you and you should not feel obligated to share that experience unless you wish to.
That said, as a birthing momma and midwife to be, I invited students to my last two births and into my prenatal care, because I felt highly comfortable with the process. That was due to my own comfort level. Had I been uncomfortable, I would have said “no thanks,” immediately.
Beware, also, the Mother-in-law or sister-in-law or childless friend who begs to come to your birth because it’ll be “neat!” Consider carefully any requests from relatives or friends that you are not that close to. You know, the ones who you would be mortified by if they saw you flossing your teeth or doing yoga. ‘Cause birth is going to be a whole lot more intimate than that!
Beware anyone who lays guilt on you if you say that you don’t want them there. Anyone who throws a fit or demands to come. Beware. If they cannot support you unconditionally in your choices in pregnancy, they are not likely to be supportive of your choices in labour.
And for you birth professionals or students like me, going to births is just part of our process. Please strive to be a respectful student, at all times, and remember and respect the mother’s right to say “I don’t want you here right now” even if something “super cool” is about to occur. It may not be “super cool” for her.
I heard from a woman who had asked during an intense labour that a gaggle of nursing students not come into her labour room, to which the snarky instructor grudgingly complied. When her labour took a turn and she was in the OR for a c-section, paralyzed from her epidural and naked on the table, the same gaggle of students and instructor came marching in, unasked, to watch the section. Uggh! That is not cool. She felt completely invaded and disrespected, and who can blame her?!
We are privileged for every birth we are invited to. We are like guests invited into the palace. It is not pay-per-view. Be helpful or be invisible – those are the only respectful ways to be there.
Copyright 2007: Sarah Hilbert-West www.birthwares.com
